Cheerleading at Hogwarts
by Pikachu the Conqueror
Summary: What happens when Hogwarts decides to get Cheerleaders for the Quidditch Teams? Random, humorous chaos of course! Note: Actually has semblance of a plot line and everything! Rated T just in case.
1. A Cheerleading Team?

A/N: Hi, this is a very unrealistic and random fic by Lady Jarine, Little Lily Granger, 9boxesofpenguins and dudlesismylittlefuzzybunny. It's just a random idea we had, and we are fully aware that it could never happen in real life (or in Harry Potter life anyway).

Disclaimer: We do not own anything in Harry Potter. We do however own Author 1, Author 2, Author 3 and Author 4, as they are us.

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One day at Hogwarts…

Professor McGonagal walked into the Gryffindor Common room and tried to get everyone's attention. And by attempt, we mean literally.

"Hey, everyone!" she finally shouted. "All Slytherins are about to be expelled!"

Well, that certainly got everyone's attention. They all looked over in joy but refrained from shouting for joy when they saw her.

"But Professor…" said Hermione

"Just kidding" said Professor McGonagal "Now that I have your attention, I have an announcement to make. Each quiddich team will now be obliged to have a cheerleading squad."

The Creevy brothers looked up in great interest

"Boys will not be allowed on the cheerleading teams as the uniform involves very **very **short miniskirts. And I swear that that was Professor Snape's idea."

"EEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!" yelled everyone in the room except Professor McGonagal who simply made a face (a disgusted one).

"Anyway, you, Granger, will be the head cheerleader of the Gryffindor Squad because you are intelligent, can keep a cool head, and you would not let it get in the way of your school work."

"WHAT???!!!" yelled Hermione.

"Huh?!" said Ron, suddenly taking interest. Ginny promptly whacked him on the back of the head.

"Granger, I want a list of nine other girls for the team on my desk in an hour. No exceptions."

"WHAT?! I can't be on the team!! What about S.P.E.W.?!"

"_Spew_ can wait, Miss Granger."

"It's not spew!! It's S.P.E.W.!!"

"Whatever," said everyone in the common room as Professor McGonagal left.

"Oooooooooh!" squealed Lavender. "I can't wait! This cheerleading team is going to be so much fun!"

"You don't get to be on it, because I don't like you," said Hermione.

"Hermione," said Ginny. "That was mean. Wow! Good job, you're really toughening up!"

"I like a tough girl." Said Ron

"Ron" said Hermione, turning to him angrily "Do you want me to hex you?!" she promptly turned on her heel and walked to the other side of the common room

"I love it when they play hard to get" mumbled Ron to himself

"So Ron" said some random dude, poking fun at Ron "Are you gonna go to every practice to see your girlfriend in a miniskirt?"

As the miniskirt picture popped into his head, Ron began to drool.

"Ummmm…" said Harry, filling in for Ron "They're not going out"

"Maybe they should" said the random dude and walked off

Hermione rolled her eyes and turned to Ginny. "Hey, Gin, you want to be on the team?"

"Eh, sure, why not?" said Ginny.

"Huh?" said Harry, suddenly much resembling of Ron.

"Hey, can I be on the team too?" asked Parvati.

"Sure," said Hermione.

An hour later, Hermione walked into Prof. McGonagal's office with a very organized list of girls for the cheerleading squad that included Ginny, Parvati and herself, but not Lavender. _Never_ Lavender.

"Right," said Prof. McGonagal after receiving the list. "Now, tell all of the girls on the list to come here tomorrow at noon for the fitting of their outfits by Madame Malkin and some instructions for their cheerleading.

"You got Madame Maklin to come in?" asked Hermione.

"Well, yes," replied to prof. McGonagal. "You think she gets that much work when it's not just before the school year?"

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A/N: Muuahahaha! Our evil plot is well underway! Actually, it's not an evil plot. It's hard to even call it a plot, because when you really think about it, it's not; it's a stupid yet mildly amusing fanfic that we made up when we were bored. Hope you liked it anyway. Please note that this fic will probably only have about five chapters.

Please review to tell us what you think! Was it funny? Or are we just too high on sugar?


	2. Cheer Practice

A/N: Wow…we actually got around to writing chapter 2…(yes, we know we have no life…) Ah, well, it's March Break (Whoo hoo!) So, anyways, we like all people who reviewed. You are on our good list. And now…for chapter 2 of this completely random and pointless fic…

Oh yeahhhhh…before we forget, disclaimer: Do you really think people who are writing about Hogwarts Cheerleaders are good enough to write the Harry Potter books? (Author 3: Hey, I resent that, I'm a good author, right?………… A little support would be nice!!) (Please note that the other three authors are comfortable with their position of not-good-enough-to-write-HP)(A3: OK… so I'm not THAT good) We didn't think so…. JK is the only one good enough to write the seventh book…(or any of the other ones, for that matter…) although she could do it a little FASTER!!(A4: (WHAT'S) (WITH) (ALL) (THE) (BRACKETS)(??????)(???)(??????)!)

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The next day……………

Everyone on the list went to Prof. McGonagall's office to get fitted into their uniforms (a.k.a. miniskirts and tight belly shirt tank tops).

When Hermione saw the basic outfit, she said, "Well, there's not much fabric to get fitted for, is there?"

"Not really," agreed Prof. McGonagall. "Oh, well."

Once Madam Malkin had all of their measurements (which only took three seconds), Prof. McGonagall took the girls out to the Quidditch pitch for their first drills. It turned out that none of the girls could do anything remotely cheerleaderish.

"No no no," said Prof. McGonagall. "You do it like this…" She promptly did a triple back flip from a standing position and landed in the splits. "Now you try."

"OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed everyone in the vicinity, including the entire squad, Prof. Snape, and some random dude named Ickle (who has not been introduced yet, but will be soon).

"Wait a sec," said Hermione. "Shouldn't we have had tryouts for this team so that the team members would actually be able to do all this crazy stuff?"

"Probably," said Prof. McGonagall. "But that would have taken a whole chapter and the authors are MUCH too lazy to do that."

Suddenly, the aforementioned random dude named Ickle suddenly appeared, saying, "Ya! If there had been, tryouts I could have shown you what I can do, and would've made the team for sure!"

Everyone stared at him.

"Ummm…" said Hermione. "Only girls are allowed on the team."

Just then, the authors, headed by author 3, ran in.

"Sorry about my brother, Ickle, he can be a little crazy sometimes," said author 3, putting her brother in a headlock and pulling him away. The other authors followed her, all drinking over-large slushy drinks and giggling madly.

As he was pulled out, Ickle began to yell.

"I will return!" he yelled "And when I do, I will get my revenge!!!"

For no reason whatsoever, author 3 began to hit the semi colon button-

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-until author 2 stopped her in utter annoyance.

"Did anyone else think that was weird?" asked Ginny.

"Yes," said Prof. McGonagall.

"I don't get it," said Hermione. "Why did all of the semi colons A3 just typed appear in the sky? It defies the laws of physics!"

"But not logic," explained A2, appearing out of nowhere with a big, fake book. "We write down what you do, and it happens in the story, so when _some people_ press random things for no reason, it happens in the story anyway."

"There are a lot of holes in that explanation," said Hermione, but A2, anticipating her smartness, was already gone.

"I have a better theory!" said A3, suddenly appearing with Ickle still in a headlock. "You see, that," she pointed up to the sky at that moment, "may defy the laws of physics, but, so does this entire school, and story … Anyway, let's get back to the relevant plot."

"Relevant plot? Where?" asked all three of the other authors.

"OK…" said Prof McGonagall. "Anyways, all of you, stay perfectly still…"

"Now THAT'S something we can do," said the team.

"…While I perform a very painful spell on you so you can all do crazy cheerleading stunts!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed everyone on the team, but before they could move, Prof McGonagall raised her wand and said, "_Cheerleadus Crazius Stuntus_!!!"

Suddenly (A3: Everything in this is so sudden) all of the girls began doing triple back flips, pyramids, splits and other crazy cheerleading stunts. Not that doing the splits is that crazy, half of the authors can do the splits.

"Right," said Prof. McGonagall. "So, your homework is to practice crazy cheerleading stunts. Feel free to show off anywhere you deem worthy. We will have our first official practice next Saturday along with the Gryffindor Quidditch team practice. Full uniform is necessary."

Just then, Madame Malkin came out with the uniforms; they were red with gold trim and a big (or at least as big as it could be on the tiny shirts) letter G on the tops.

"Oh my God…" said Hermione.

"I know," said Ginny.

"I don't seriously have to wear that, do I?" asked Hermione.

"Yes, you do," said Prof. McGonagall. "And you will have to wear it in front of the entire school at the first Quidditch match of the season."

"But that's against Slytherin!" cried Parvati.

"Yes, I know," said Prof. McGonagall. "And to help our team win, you will have to look extra good so that the Slytherin team will not be able to concentrate, as it is made up entirely of boys!"

While everyone else was making disgusted faces, a random girl on the team asked, "Ummm… is Melincent Bulstrode on the Slytherin squad?"

"Yes, I believe she is" Replied Prof. McGonagall.

"WHAT!" yelled Hermione and, at the sheer thought of it, ran into the bathroom and began retching along with A3 who had just seen the outfit for her dance recital."

Meanwhile, the rest of the team and A1, A2, and A4, were screaming, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

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A/N: heeheeheeheeheeheeheehee (A3: Stop it Annie!) Anyways…

So, now, review!!!!!!!!! If you loved it, hated it, thought it was the most annoying thing in the world, thought it was the awsomest thing in the world, or were just plain bored, tell us! Now! GO! I'm serious! If you read this sentence, it won't tell you anything! In fact, you shouldn't be reading these last sentences because you should be reviewing!

Look! The review button is just there! Press it, PRESS IT!!!!!!!!!!! (Yes, we _are_ rather pathetic, aren't we?)

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